The best thing to do while you are single before finding the One

"Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself"

~ Bianca Sparacino

A few weeks ago an article of mine was published on tinybuddha.com called ‘The 3 Stages of a New Relationship and How to Handle the Changes.’

Check it out HERE if you missed it. I heard a lot of feedback from single ladies saying they totally understood the article and were ready to do the work, but what should they do if they were in Stage Zero?!


I thought this was a great question and wanted to shed light on it because I know there are others out there thinking it and I know I always want answers.

So what should you do if you are single, working on yourselves and ready to do the work with someone else? Maybe you are feeling super frustrated that you haven’t found the one yet even though you seem to be learning an incredible amount about yourself and healing past wounds left, right and centre. I’ve been there darling, I’ve been in that place of confusion, frustration and anger feeling like I was doing everything I could to find my soulmate only to have another dude who wasn’t ‘there yet’ show up in my life. I heard every excuse out there as to why they couldn’t see me anymore, or, as I began to find my voice and communicate what I actually wanted, they’d call me too intense. After a while I thought this was pretty funny, but I still felt frustrated and seriously doubted what I was doing and asking for.

The more insults I experienced though, the more I actually felt driven to get even more ‘intense’ and firm in asking for what I wanted. And I also began to realize something that helped me shift my energy huge. I was doing all the work FOR something, meaning, I was attached to a certain outcome, I was healing myself so that I could have a relationship. I was increasing my self-awareness and emotional intelligence for an outside goal. And that’s when it hit me. If I continued doing the work, healing my heart and moving forward with an outside goal in mind, the process would remain flawed. I needed to shift my perspective inward, toward myself. I needed to do the work, the reading, the writing, the meditating, the crying, and the pleading to God for myself, not for a relationship. Once I realized this I felt an immediate bond to myself. I felt so loving and compassionate and forgiving towards my heart and soul and it made my process of healing so much better! It still wasn’t easy, and I still had moments of frustration, but then I’d remind myself that I’m not doing it for someone else, or for an outcome, or for a relationship. I’m doing it for me, and me alone, and this took all the pressure off dating, going out, being single and meeting people. This shift allowed me to feel peaceful, calm and confident and all of a sudden I had patience. Patience was something I never thought I’d ever have and I was shocked when I realized what had happened. I had settled with myself, felt content with who I was and moved forward with an ease and lightness.

While you are single, it is the BEST time to build a relationship with yourself. Remember you are doing this for you, not someone else, not for an outcome or an end result. Those expectations will only result in disappointment and frustration. Connect to what you need, learn about yourself inside and out and love this self. At that point being single won’t feel like a burden, it will feel like a blessing.

Comments