Why I'm Grateful I was Single for So Long

“How come you’re still single?!” Someone would ask me this on a weekly basis when I was in my late 20’s – early 30’s. I had been single for 4 years at that point and that question hurt me every single time. It made me feel damaged, like there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a boyfriend or a partner. I’m sure they meant it as a compliment, as in, you are so great, how are you not with someone, but I sure didn’t take it that way. I often wondered myself why I was still single so whenever someone else brought it up it was just an awful reminder of what I was already aware of. The thing was though, that question bothered me so much because I wasn’t OK with actually being single. Each time someone asked me that it WAS a reminder, a slap in the face with that which I was not OK with. It took me a long time to realize this. I would blame others for making me feel crappy when in fact it was me who was making myself feel bad about it.

This lesson took me a long time to learn. If you’ve ever heard that things happen for you, and not to you, but don’t quite get it, you’ll know what I mean. It’s super tough when we want something so bad but have no idea why we don’t have it. When we are straight up in the middle of something and know what we want but have no idea how to get it, we are forced to look at things differently. At least I was. Having this question posed over and over and over again really made me start to look at why it bothered me so much and what I could do about it. I realized that as long I felt like something was wrong with me because I didn’t have a boyfriend then this question would continue to bother me. It made me wake up and realize how I really felt about my entire situation and I also realized I could do something about it. I began to see that others were not in control of how I felt about being on my own, I was in control of that. I also knew that as soon as I felt at peace with being single, people would stop asking me about it, or if they did it wouldn’t bother me.

Whenever we have something in our lives that really bothers us, there is an underlying reason for it. I am so grateful to all of those people out there for asking me about my relationship status and helping me to see that it was something that I didn’t feel good about at that time. It enabled me to figure out why I wasn’t comfortable with being single. The awareness helped me to realize that I did in fact feel damaged and not good enough because I wasn’t in a committed relationship. I knew that these things weren’t true, but I also knew that this was a deep subconscious belief I had to look at before I could begin to feel differently.

Had I not been single all those years I would never have had the chance to get to know myself on such a deep level. I would not have learned how to be comfortable with my own company, how to have dinner with myself, take myself dancing or try new things often. Being single allowed me to grow into a new person, someone with confidence and clarity as to what I really wanted for my life. And sure enough, once I began to feel great about who I was, the questions about why I was single began to appear less and less. And when they did, I barely even noticed and my answer was always “because I’m enjoying learning how to love myself right now.”

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