Laura

How to go from Expectationships to Relationships

Last week in my excitement while talking with a client I blurted out the word ‘expectationships’ when I meant to say relationships. But I actually took the word down because I felt like it was an important mix up that I had made and could possibly help others. I remember very clearly the expectations I put upon the dating process, the men I was going to meet, and the ones I started dating and it took a long time for me to figure out perhaps there was something not working with my approach.What I finally figured out was that I was allowed to have expectations, but I wasn’t allowed to use them as a block to intimacy. Once I realized that I was actually allowed to want and need things like exclusivity early on and it didn’t mean I was needy or difficult, my whole dating world changed, and yours can too! Read More

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Laura

Why I Sent Myself Romantic Messages

As a coach, part of my work is to make suggestions to my clients. I like to give a bit of homework in some of our sessions to help with letting go of expectations so they can begin to feel better about their current romantic situation. One of my favorite things I recommend to them is this: Give yourself that which you are seeking from others. I know this can sound less than helpful because there are certain things you simply can’t give yourself because it doesn’t feel the same, right?! Well, I have a different way of looking at this that has helped me release expectations and move past the grips of waiting for outcomes. Read More

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Laura

How I Handled my FOMO and Started Having Fun in Dating

Online dating has completely changed the way we find our partners these days. It can be a wonderful way to meet people we wouldn’t normally run into, but it can also create a lot of anxiety, which is not a good thing if you already have anxiety about dating! I signed up for online dating twice while I was single, the first time I signed up on 3 different sites because I was terrified if I didn’t sign up for all of them I might possibly miss meeting my soulmate. I let fear completely run my life and my free time. I had no idea who I actually was or what I enjoyed doing because I spent so much time focusing on what I thought I needed to do to find someone. I began to see that I could not control finding my soulmate and I had to step back and let my life unfold the way I wanted it to. Read More

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Laura

Why I'm Grateful I was Single for So Long

Whenever we have something in our lives that really bothers us, there is an underlying reason for it. I am so grateful to all of those people out there for asking me about my relationship status and helping me to see that it was something that I didn’t feel good about at that time. It enabled me to figure out why I wasn’t comfortable with being single. The awareness helped me to realize that I did in fact feel damaged and not good enough because I wasn’t in a committed relationship. I knew that these things weren’t true, but I also knew that this was a deep subconscious belief I had to look at before I could begin to feel differently Read More

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Laura

How to Begin Moving Forward after You’ve Been Cheated on

So how can you begin to come out from behind the wall you’ve built up because you are so tired of being back behind it? You don’t necessarily need to call our Ex up and thank them for cheating on you and you don’t need to accept that their behavior was OK. What can help you is acknowledgment of the situation, your pain and what you want for your future though. The only reason to forgive the situation is to set yourself free, not to make your Ex feel better. Read More

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Laura

The best thing to do while you are single before finding the One

A few weeks ago an article of mine was published on tinybuddha.com called ‘The 3 Stages of a New Relationship and How to Handle the Changes.’ I heard a lot of feedback from single ladies saying they totally understood the article and were ready to do the work, but what should they do if they were in Stage Zero?! I thought this was a great question and wanted to shed light on it because I know there are others out there thinking it and I know I always want answers. Read More

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Laura

3 Ways to Build Trust in Yourself to Start Attracting Genuine People

“I’ve come to trust not that events will always unfold exactly as I want, but that I will be fine either way. The challenges we face in life are always lessons that serve our soul’s growth”

~ Marianne Williamson

When it comes to finding love and dating, trusting yourself is key! Do you find you have problems trusting people to do what they say they are going to do? Are you attracting dates that are shady, play mind games and seem untrustworthy? Does someone say they will call you, text you, get in touch with you, say they had a great time, and then you never hear from them again? Maybe they tell you they are really into yoga, spirituality, and exercise, or that they aren’t into partying and then over time you begin to see these things aren’t true. If this is the case it's the perfect time to start building confidence and trust within!

I would define self-trust as a deep inner-knowing when you make decisions and a complete calmness when you make them. Self-trust is having the confidence in yourself to have integrity to you first, and then to others. It means sticking to your commitments made to yourself because you are worthy.

Once you begin to do this, you will no longer need to worry about what guy has what intention when you meet him, or if the lady you are out with is being truthful or not on a date. It comes down to our own self-trust and some awareness. A good thing to look at is where do you not trust your own self? Perhaps you don’t trust that you won’t lose yourself once you get into a serious relationship again, perhaps you don’t trust your ability to break up with someone lovingly when you really need to and not have it be a huge blowout. There are ways to tell someone it’s not working and have the situation be calm and loving. When you trust yourself, you are able to create a calm conversation and have it go well without guilt or blame. Once you have a strong connection with yourself and have discovered what it means to be there for you, you will begin attracting people who reflect that back. You will begin meeting people who show up for you and that have integrity.

Here are my top three ways to build self-trust and confidence and feel good in your own skin:

·         Figure out what is really important to you when it comes to your own well being. You’ll want to have a starting point that you feel good about, and that is realistic. Write down some things that you love to do, and that make you feel amazing! Does doing yoga in the morning set you up for a fantastic rest of your day? Does eating a healthy breakfast allow you to stay focused? Find some small things that make you feel like you are taking really good care of yourself.

·         Next it’s important to figure out how you’ll implement these things into your daily or weekly schedule. As Marie Forleo says “if it isn’t scheduled, it isn’t real!” I could not agree more. After you have your list of 3 – 5 things that make you feel good, write out when you will be able to do these things. Be realistic about how committed you are to them. Do a gut check. If you find you really aren’t committed to doing something, find something else that you are committed to doing. If you don’t have an hour to go to the gym every morning before work, don’t include that. Instead maybe you can do a 10 minute cardio workout at home and feel really good about that.

·         Start small and recognize when you beat yourself up with guilt and shame if you don’t end up keeping every commitment you made to yourself. Notice how it feels to honour the commitments you do keep, and notice how it feels in your body when you don’t. Know that this takes practice and courage. You are building a relationship with yourself that is new and this will take time.

Once you begin a steady climb of honouring your commitments to yourself and feeling good, start to notice the type of people you begin attracting, and how others treat you. Others will treat us how we treat ourselves so building our self-trust can only lead to good things!

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Laura

Why we rush to define a relationship too soon

Have you ever been told to calm down, chill out, be cool or just relax when it comes to dating or meeting someone new? I can’t even count the amount of times I heard those statements from others when I was dating and looking for my soul mate. I lacked faith and confidence and did not have a deep enough connection to myself to know that I’d be okay whether the relationship had a label or not. Read More

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Laura

The Antidote to Fear

In the past, I used to think that as long as I did the mental work on myself, read books, did my journal entries, meditated, practiced yoga and ate healthy that I was doing everything I needed to do in order to heal my wounds and learn to use my voice. As it turns out, I was missing one major step in the process. Read More

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Laura

What that strong attraction is really saying

Often times I would meet someone who I was attracted to and my body would go into overdrive. The anxiety/excitement would kick in, my thoughts would race and my insecurities would go through the roof. I’d constantly check my phone, plan out what to say, worry about my looks, and talk constantly about the guy I had met to anyone who would listen. I believed that these were all good signs. I mean, no one wants to marry someone they are bored with or turned off by! But there was just one really big problem: these guys kept disappearing! Read More

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